Запись в блоге моего лектора по староанглийскому. На память.

`in the beginning, there was a language, and a kid. the language was centuries older than the kid. then the language was grafted onto the kid, and the language grew into a world. but the kid loved mathematics, and regarded the language only as a useful tool`

as i look back at my school years – very hazy memories – languages was never my aim nor worth any particular interest. yes i was not bad at them. given the amount of books i had read, having learnt my letters at the tender age of 4, and extremely good mechanical memory, that was no surprise. i was fascinated by philosophy – such as it was possible under the communist ideology; but my heart lay in the sciences, particularly mathematics and chemistry. because only in abstraction could i feel freedom.

and then i calculated the odds for admission at the university: english – not likely. chemistry – almost certain. maths – definitely. maths also had the additional enrolment, so it was double certain. i went for english, thinking that if i fail, there is always maths. i did not fail completely.

after many trials and battles, and weird things, i found out this – language and maths, and chemistry are one.

so, we studied english. no, we did not study. we believed. we Believed. like snow believes in water, and fire believes in matches, we believed in england, the mythical place where english happens. we believed, and therefore learnt the Fifty Two Known Meanings Of To Do, and the Usage of the Proper Idiomatic Expressions, and How to Hold Your Knife And Fork Right, and the Ways of Greeting And Parting, and How To Address People Depending On Their Rank, and History of English, and Old English, and Middle English, and English Literature From the Beginnings Till Now, and the Variants of English… we learnt it religiously. we learnt because we believed – and we believed because there was no hope in accessing England from the chronotope we inhabited then and there.

you might ask: has anything changed now? and i will tell you – no. nothing has changed.

i have met the love of my life, christ, whom i will follow onto death, and beyond. but my religion, my awareness, will ever be english. the language grafted on me in the far 1970s.

the language i have believed in, and still believe, and will believe – like logs believe in flames, and sculpture believes in clay.